Listlessness

  Humidity does not react well with the various symptoms of Crohn's, IBS, and endometriosis from which I am suffering this week.  It's been a rough one both physically and emotionally. Due to an acute flare of Crohn's and IBS symptoms, timed with a monthly spur of endometriosis, I had to spend two days, more or less, incapacitated to my bed and bathroom, cancel a friend-field trip to Rockland, visit the urgent care center (with no health insurance, not looking forward to that bill), go back on steroids and Vicodin, and weep the remnants of my soul into the creases of my pillows.

  This weekend's weather, sticky humidity, with bouts of rain storms, and the exhaustion of this week's physical turmoil has left me feeling rather listless.  Which is a funny word.  If you look at the base parts -list, n, A series of names, words or other items written, printed or imagined on after the other and -less   an adjective-forming suffix meaning "without", "not having" that specified by the noun base,  you would think a have a lack of lists.  The exact opposite is true.

  My inherit list making compulsion comes from my mother, of whom we joke "Oh, more than two things, better make a list."  And because of whom, my dad clipped the following:

    I have a compulsive need to write down everything, lending perhaps to my forgetful flightiness exacerbated by steroid intake or perhaps my OCD. Whatever the reason I keep incessant lists: to-do lists, lists of words I look up, words I need to look up, books to read, books I've read, quotes from those books,  movies to watch, things to research, homework to do, food I've eaten for the day (this is a crohn's / IBS thing), lists about ideas for lists.  

                           

  The craziness knows no bounds.  So despite my (real definition) physical listlessness, I am not (family definition) listless.  And in honor of this I give you my top 5 list of books I think you (everyone) should read (that I currently own and constantly re-read, and in no particular order, other than this is how they are found on my shelves and my kindle):

Committed   Elizabeth Gilbert

- Yeah, so, ignore that it is written by that chick they made the Julia Roberts movie about.   She was (and is) an excellent research journalist.  In this evoking search on the personal and sociological meanings of marriage and other formalized unions, I learned quite a bit about my own spiritual needs, and realizations of marriage. 

Good Poems For Hard Times  Selected and Introduced by Garrison Keillor

 - Even if you don't like poetry. Especially if you don't like poetry.  This has a poem for all times, not just hard.  Read one a day, read it cover to cover, forget about it, pick it up and leaf through it, and you will find at least half a dozen poems that will move you.  I have about 15 marked for compulsive re-reading. 

Midnight In The Garden of Good and Evil  John Berendt

 - Who doesn't love a good non-fiction murder mystery, steeped in the mythos of the deep south?  Berendt brings the crazy array of characters to life, and threads the history of Savannah, his personal fish out of water story and a murder trial to life.  So much so, you may want to call in the help and pour a pitcher of martinis, for the company comin' 'ya heah'?

Rules of Civility Amor Towles

 - A grown up, higher socio-economic version of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn.  It has the same keen sense of detail and personal emotion, the same social structure politics awareness, and a similar hopeful outcome.  

The Blind Assassin Margaret Atwood

 - A novel within a novel.  The life of a heiress to a Canadian button-fortune (fortune in name only, as the Great War and subsequent economic downturn, as well as Daddy's do good-ing has ruined the money) as she grows up  mother-less with her weirdo-sister in a derelict mansion, and she is then sold to the highest bidder, once of age.  The interior novel is a series of sci-fi stories of the dime pulp milieu, as told between illicit lovers. Very cool. Very dark.  As all Atwood novels are. 

Happy reading, and may you never be listless. 

- Em 

  

Friday Rainy Day Rants

Tropical Storm Andrea has blessed us with a rainy day.  I love chilly, rainy weather.  It gives me a good excuse to stay inside and knit, instead of  coming up with excuses to stay inside and knit and then having to admit that I'm only outdoorsy in the sense that I like to drink on patios.

I picked up my darling niece from daycare, as she had an upset stomach.  We snuggled in bed, and skyped with my 94 year old grandfather for about 15 minutes - which means we spent 5 minutes explaining to him how to plug in his webcam, 5 minutes clarifying that it was my niece was sitting next to me, not my daughter, and 5 minutes trying to interpret his speech without his teeth.  It was a great morning.

But then. . .  so last week I ordered the wrong book from book renters and received a Micro book instead of a Macro book (yes, I am really blond under this hair dye).  I needed a Macro book to use for our open book take home test (ah summer semester, how I love thee) so I went to two different stores to attempt a purchase. And, here begins my rant (each of these could be it's own post, so yes I did edit my whining, believe it or not):

1. Why the eff are textbooks SO expensive? Really? $220.50 for a Macro text that they will then attempt to buyback for 30 bucks or less? And, we've only cracked it in class once. 
2. Pajama jeans? To class? No. Just. No. Actually, No. Ever. 
3. Dear Ex, Yes. I really do have Crohn's. Stop intonating that I am faking it. I've had it longer than you thought you had me. Also, if a diagnosis can be definitively made via medical tests, such as a blood test or a colonoscopy (multiple times) - ya can't fake it!  Don't you have a NURSING degree that I helped pay for? Don't they teach that at nursing school? 
4. Why is Facebook becoming more like myspace everyday? You want to how I'm feeling, Facebook? I'm feeling like I'm stuck in 2003. 
5. House - why the carp are you so freaking messy?!  Didn't  I JUST clean you last weekend? Why do I still have all this crap? I feel like a hoarder, until I watch Hoarders and then I feel only somewhat of an over consumer. Who just remembered I forgot something I meant to get at Target. 
6. I've had two pedicures in the past month. I've been using my aloe-infused moisture socks and slathering on lotion, so why is my right foot so dry it has it's own British accent? 
7. Why do we not have a Karaoke bar in Portland? Seriously? No, really. I'm serious.
8. As much as I love bacon, I am not a fan of the restaurant Nosh. Why name a place a Yiddish word, and then dust all the food with PORK? And if they are supposed to be "nosh" sized servings, why are they so expensive? And why do you sell PBR, like it is a refined product? GD hipsters! 
9. Hipsters!!!! I hate that you are now a market to which we must tailor general tastes.  You infest our city with Urban Outfitters, Toms and PBR in good restaurants. I thought the whole point of a hipster was to be anti-mainstream.  But you are now so mainstream, you are your own stream. It wasn't cool when I was in high school and it was emo-goth, it's not cool now that I'm in my thirties and see my peers wearing bicycle locks for belts.
   
10. What is up with all the added carp in food that we don't need? Corn syrup, preservatives, colors.  I can get behind Calcium and Vitamin D in my milk or OJ.  But probiotics in my fro-yo?  Really? Not everyone can eat that.  Why do I have to be denied frozen creamy goodness because Jamie Lee Curtis talks about yogurt so much it became a thing? At this rate I will be reduced to buying unpasteurized sheep's milk from a farmer that smells like patchouli, and sings Gregorian chants on one foot.  Bandwagon begone!
11. I miss books.  I love my Kindle. I really do.  I love that it syncs with my computer and my phone.    I love that I can purchase books while sitting in the bathroom.  I love that Lilly and I can read the same book, at the same time, that I only have to buy one of. But I miss ink, the heft of a book in my hand, and the smell of new pages. 
12. I belong to a number of social media support groups for Crohn's, IBD and IBS.  Why do people whom have these diseases misspell them? You have the disease, your excuses are invalid. Learn how to spell it, you look like an idiot.  
    
13. I hate how first world this list is.  It is free donut day at Dunkin Donuts with the purchase of a beverage.  And that has made my afternoon better.  If you have problems that can seem lighter with a free, super fatty fast food covered in chocolate, and you have money to pay for the accompanying beverage, you don't really have problems.  

          Except maybe that Karaoke bar thing.


- Em

Linkage:

Textbook prices rising:  http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2013/01/why-are-college-textbooks-so-absurdly-expensive/266801/

Slovenly America:  http://www.forbes.com/sites/boblutz/2012/06/11/america-the-slovenly-dressing-down-and-blimping-up/

Hipsters mainstreaming it:  http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/wp/2013/05/13/hipsters-are-mainstream-poll-finds/

Probiotics hype:   http://www.nbcnews.com/id/27454348/ns/health-diet_and_nutrition/t/probiotics-more-hype-help/#.UbI-mpWAHzI

Crohn's history: http://www.crohnsandme.com/crohns-information/history-of-crohns.aspx

Free donut day:  http://business.time.com/2013/06/07/free-donuts-everything-you-need-to-know-to-celebrate-national-donut-day/

Here comes the rains

It has been a really warm weekend here in Maine.  Not record breaking warm, but close.  The kind of warm that makes everyone rush to Walmart to buy window fans, air conditioners, blow-up pools for the kids and stand around appreciating central AC while mocking the regulars.  The kind of warm that makes you realize, "Hey, my ass crack can sweat.  Awesome."

In the midst of this blaze of heat, I seem to have finally come into my spring-cleaning, nesting mood.  My parents, whom shared my house for the past 11 centuries, moved out (and away - but that is a different story) this past February and the detritus of two families in a one family house has sat unearthed in the corners of my little home.  The urge to clean and purge did not hit until this previous week.  Perhaps it was an after affect of being terminated from my job (again, another post), or perhaps due to a recent change in medication levels (Crohn's + OCD + Depression). But whatever the reason, my internal timer, never punctual, dinged and I decided to deep clean the basement, the refrigerator lining, that corner in the weird spot in the front hall no one ever sees but me and every thing in between. In this heat? Really, self?

To add to this craziness the crumbsnatchers were at their all time high of end of school year / isitsummeryet / thank god, winter in Maine is over insanity.  Bouncing, trouncing, pouncing, flouncing, without the fun of T-I-double guh -err.

After the third night of not wanting to sleep next to the furnace that is the PR (permanent roommate), and much promise of cooling temps from the witch-doctors that foretell the mysticism that is the weather, it has begun to thunder.  The crumbsnatchers are in bed, almost asleep. The wind is crisply blowing through my open windows bringing the smell of fresh, green earth.  And the rain is washing away all the grumpiness that these two weeks have bestowed upon me.

Relishing in the pungant summer air, my mind is pulled away from the coulda, woulda, shoulda, that is my to-do-never-done list, and brought back to the sweeter moments.  PR telling me no matter what happened at work he would support me; financially, and emotionally.  My beautiful, loving daughter being ever so empathetic to my moods and changes of situation.  Re-starting my journal on a daily basis again, and keeping up with it.  The crumbsnatchers, after complaining about the TV being turned off, playing and laughing over a board game, together. Finishing my first watercolor painting.  Skyping with my parents and their dog.  Making a new pancake recipe, and having everyone in the house love it.

My gratitude could go on and on.  I know I often seem brash, sarcastic and judgmental.  This evening's optimal experience has made me realize my gratitude needs to exist on a regular, living basis and I need to show more of it to those I love.

Have a great evening.

- Em

Today's links:
The new pancake recipe:
http://merrywithchildren.com/2010/12/whats-cooking-wednesday-fluffy-pancakes/
optimal experience / flow:
http://edutechwiki.unige.ch/en/Flow_theory
http://www.ppc.sas.upenn.edu/teachingflow.htm


P.S. - researchers have decoded prairie dog language, and they are talking about us. Curiouser, and curiouser.
http://www.treehugger.com/natural-sciences/researcher-decodes-praire-dog-language-discovers-theyve-been-calling-people-fat.html